In my search for love, I have turned up some deep questions in me as to why I fall in love and how it happens.
Why do we Search for Love?
Perhaps we want to form a bond with someone. A bond made from free will. Sometimes it seems fate steps in or we at least we want it to.
If fate steps in, then love is meant to be. Yet we know it comes down to one thing, attraction.
We are attracted to those we think can heal and nurture us and to those who keep our minds sharp. For when we have our minds, our hearts are free to share with those we care about.
I’m from Generation X. In my day when I was growing up in the 80s, many TV characters got into arguments and said thinks like “You’re cute when you’re angry.” and “I’m attracted to you.” And then they’d make out together with a smoldering kiss.
When I watched these shows as a kid, I knew I wanted love to be full of silly banter, honest conversation, and fireworks.
Why do we accept less love then we deserve?
I tend to fall for men who aren’t getting something from the world that they have been looking for. It’s a pattern. Maybe I haven’t found what I need either, so I don’t know what I want and look for men to connect with. It doesn’t work the way I’d hope it will.
I take what little is offered and get carried away in my mind thinking about how this one will fix me with what he offers in a look or some pick up line. I’ll take scraps given and make a quilt of moments to analyze, dissect, and then experience the crush.
Why do we offer less of ourselves to those who give us so much?
When we meet someone who is head over heals for us, we feel like we ate too much ice cream. It tastes good at first, but then at some point it becomes sticky and messy. And we feel trapped in a blanket made from fudge.
So when we crave scraps of love we are looking for the good stuff. Something indulgent that you have once in a while and when you eat it sends you into orbit. Something like molten chocolate cake. Yeah, that’s the stuff.
How can we find those who we can hold on to and the world just melts away?
Who knows? Perhaps people who are married and still feel sparks like when they first met. Yes, I think so but ah, where do you meet people where that kind of thing can happen? Parties hosted by friends according to my parents. That is where they met. My Mom met my Dad and knew something when he first said a line to her. She called a member of the family and said, “I’m going to marry this man.” They’ve been together for over 40 years.
So how do we get ready to bump into someone, at a gathering, and feel confident enough to date?
We must love ourselves enough to attract the love we’d like to have. It’s not easy being kind to ourselves when we’ve fallen down the hole of unrequited love. And as much as we tell ourselves this is the last crush, it never is.
The truth is the best love crushes us everyday. It’s full of things we don’t like that add up and then we have moments of joy to break it up. And all the little things annoy us and gnaw at us until we face them head to head with a bond that runs so deep that aches quell with a single kiss.
We meet a person, and they got good stuff and we want more of that good stuff in us whether it’s right or wrong. Whether it makes sense to the world or it doesn’t. And I realize now I’ve got to find the good stuff in me before I’m ready to bump into someone who knows the good stuff is in them as well.
So ladies, do you agree with anything I’ve said in this post? Comment below and share this article with your friends if it resonated with you.
Thank you for reading,