When Doubt Creeps In, Take Recovery!
Copyright 2017 by Jessica B. Hensley
|And The Hook Flew Away From The Needles. |
Crayon on Mixed Media Paper.
6.5"x 8.5" (this file is a .png file to load better on the web).
Jessica B. Hensley aka Sketchwriterjess
There are days when I believe the people in my life who tell me, "You'll be fine." And there are days I think back to when I was first diagnosed Bipolar and even my doctor said, "Don't worry you won't be in Section 8 Housing." I think sure...and then I think of the day I met someone at a Crochet meetup who said "Oh you're not so bad, my Grandson has Bipolar and (Another condition I don't remember)." What is this? A contest to see who has "Serious Bipolar" and "Bipolar Light"?
I doubt all of them. Surely they are missing some information about me.
'I may be fine now, but one day I may not'. I think this many times now as I recover from my mental illness.
When I started blogging years ago, I wasn't diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at the time and I held myself together on the outside, but then inside I broke and I wrote during this break so lots of things only made sense to me. Only I loved too deep. Only I got hurt. And the only way I would survive was by my becoming undone.
It wasn't until I first got diagnosed that I began to see past myself. My parents helped me. Doctor's helped me. I opened my heart again. Sure, there were some obstacles, however recovery has always been where I've gone when I felt I could take no more beating from living and taking and thinking. I gave so much, yet it was never enough. Even at my worst I had inner peace deep inside me though.
Recovery is a term that is used in different ways, yet one that stands out to me is addiction. I was addicted to challenge and still am. I make things harder on myself, it's my nature.
I'm uncomfortable. It's the best way to describe how I feel everyday. So, I make myself comfortable in some way, everyday. Sometimes I make myself some coffee and I sit down and draw with Crayons on Mixed Media Paper.
When I draw with crayons I reach a place that feels like I'm in another dimension. There is no time, there is just the sun and the moon.
A friend showed me a surreal collage she did and it got me thinking. Surrealism is a great way to safely break from reality.
So now, when doubt creeps in, when I think I'm not good enough or when I just feel like I want things to change, I do something that isn't guided by fixed times or days. I do something to do something. Also known as Art for Art's Sake.
One more note:
Mental Illness is not an easy thing to talk about or explain. It's something people think will magically go away if people choose never to talk about it.
How I deal with life is due to having caring people around me who I love dearly. What people with mental illness need is love and support and a safe way to deal with life when it gets too pressured. I'm very lucky I have art and supportive friends and family who allow me to be there for them too.
I hope that anyone who is having a day where they feel extreme stress reads this. If it's not coffee and crayons, then it's something else safe to make you comfortable.
There is nothing wrong with comfort. Life isn't supposed to be easy, however life isn't supposed to be oppressive either.
Wishing the my country, the United States of America, and the world, peace and thoughtful reflection,