Knitting, Thinking, and Letting Go: Self-Love in Action

Scarf Color Pooling in solid blocks after argyle styling.

Hi Everyone,

Some of you may have been wondering why I’ve been doing Tarot Readings when I started this blog doing Crafting Tutorials. The truth is there were some things that happened in my life that were heavy. Not only that I was balancing both things that were going on in my life at the time.

One thing that happened is I fell for a man deeply, head over heals. The other thing that happened is that my Mom had a heart attack in the hospital. It was a close call, she almost died. I balanced these two experiences by thinking about love. The love I have for my parents, especially my Mom, and the love I had for a man that I had a situationship with. The emotions were very deep and I could not pretend that everything was normal and do my usual craft blogging articles. For awhile, I couldn’t do anything that I needed to do. I was absorbed in love thoughts.

I thought a lot about what my Mom went through and how much my Dad loves her. And I thought about the situationship that almost went somewhere, but stopped short of going anywhere. And yet I felt like I was still on a train I couldn’t get off. I still thought this man was going to be so loving and caring, as he was very kind to me many times. But he changed as things started to go somewhere. Actually talking about things other then what we talked about. And it wasn’t about sex; it was about my Mom in the hospital. He just cut me off without communication when I texted him. I told him I couldn’t get together with him since my Mom was in the hospital. I guess that was too close for him. I don’t know why.

I know I shouldn’t even write about this. But this hurt me deeply. I write about him on here, I talk about him on my videos and it’s all in an effort to put things in perspective as my Mom is still recovering from what she went though. She’s made a miraculous turn-around. She is the one who is always here for me when I’m down. She is the one in my corner cheering me on. I thought this man would be here for me when I needed him most, and he wasn’t.

So, I still believe there is a deep love soul connection for me somewhere in this world. I still believe that the Twin Flame theory exists. But I realize it’s not him. The time has past for anything to take place between me and him. As I write this, it’s final. Besides I’m sure he hates that I write about him.

I had looked forward to writing positive things about him. But it didn’t turn out that way and I don’t want him to experience any pain. I write this to just let him go, be where he needs to be.

I’m still doing Twin Flame readings for the collective. People want something deep these days. They want to believe that there is something at work that is on our side bringing us to a place where we can be our best selves and experience that with someone we love. To share a bond with someone we don’t share with anyone else. It’s a nice thought and it’s one I still believe in.

Now I’m open to other possibilities. Living my dreams as a crafter making a living from what I do is something I’ve thought about ever since I went on disability. I feel like it’s the one thing that helps keep me balanced. Sure writing helps. It’s satisfying, yet I feel crafting gives me balance. I also do art as well. However I do that when I feel like it here and there. It’s not like my crafting that I work on most everyday.

I’ve thought about adding some new Tarot Readings to my line up. I thought of doing some career readings and also some pick a card readings where you pick a pile and all is revealed about a question you have in mind. I think I’m still going to use my Cosmic Tarot Deck. I feel like it’s the one I resonate with the most. I’ll use it for everything, the career readings, and the pick a card readings.

I’ve got wisdom gained from the life and death decisions I’ve made in my life and the life and death decisions I’ve experienced when it comes to my family life.

I’ve got wisdom as someone who has watched my parents love evolve over the years into something truly beautiful and inspiring. Though I have never had a relationship, I know what love is. Other people in my family are in good relationships as well. I know what it is. I know what it takes to love unconditionally.

I know it’s strange for a “virgin” to give relationship advice, yet I feel called to do it. I feel my love Tarot readings are special. They are for people like me who feel love has eluded them. They don’t have to be “virgins,” just any person who feels left out of the loop, like time has passed and waiting is the only game.

My readings give people hope that in the meantime, you can thrive and flourish as a kind. loving, human being by being kind to yourself and accepting and forgiving yourself for things you did wrong long ago at a time distant and fleeting.

While making my scarf, the colors stopped pooling in the pattern, which had an argyle style, and went into an ikat look. It’s like showing me the time my life went on hold when everything was so heavy, I didn’t know how long I could carry it on my own. Me and my Dad were able to get through what my Mom went through. And we discussed love. His love for my Mom was shown true.

Every relationship has it’s ups and downs. And situationship are just a situation that gets out of hand and goes no place but a spider-web.

Once the full moon happened, something I’ve been following since I started Tarot reading, I released this man to where he needed to go. I hope he finds some kind of peace. I can only imagine what kind of trigger set him off that he completely shut me down.

As I’ve said, it’s done now. I’ve written on here, I’ve talked on videos about him and I’m sure he would be upset that I’ve done that so it’s as much me as it is him.

However, I felt I needed to share my story. People forget that their physicality can betray them and if they don’t have control over it, people get hurt. People take things personally and get carried away. That’s what happened with us. Our physical nature promised something that we couldn’t follow through on.

So, I write this to let you know that from now on, I am continuing to do the Twin Flame readings, and I’m adding some new things for Career and more Self-Love style Readings.

Take Care,

Jess aka Sketchwriterjess

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