Turning 40? Hang Out at the Beach!

Today at 40, I was walking on the beach trying to find the bathroom and I ended up walking so far that I was out of breath. My heart was pounding so hard I thought I was going to die. I said, “Lord, I’m trying to do the right thing. I don’t want to drink to erase my pain now. I want the ocean to calm me down today, I can drink at dinner.” I pulled myself together and enjoyed the beach even though I had to pee like a race horse.

I brought my watercolor pencils. They’re nice, Carand’ache 12 Color Classic Set. I brought those and some Strathmore Colored Pencil Paper. I drew the ocean in front of me. I was there in the afternoon so there was a rainbow of colors coming up. There was yellows, reds, purples, greens, blues, and browns. There was white foam that came up with each wave as it crashed against the shore. I felt so relieved to have my soul renewed by nature.

A group of Millennials came and sat next to me, about 10 feet away. They came in with their instruments and played their music. It was great. And then one of them started singing “In the shade, in the shade...” a Cannonballs Song (A Grunge Group from the 90’s) so I felt the way I did when I first heard that song. At any age, that’s a wonderful thing.

Here is a poem about lessons that I learned upon turning 40. This is for all of you who need a day at the beach to think things over:

Giving someone a chance to be your lover takes risk.

Avoiding risk will keep you from finding more chances.

Giving clear answers makes you good at taking questions.

Avoiding questions keeps you looking for answers.

Giving joy is not as hard as taking pain.

Avoiding pain will stop you from finding joy.

Giving access to yourself to another can bring you closure.

Avoiding your need for closure will stop you from finding people to connect with.

Giving relief makes it bearable to take life tests

Avoiding tests is just going to keep you from finding relief.

Giving advice feels good once you’ve taken criticism.

Avoiding criticism will only keep you looking for more advice.

Giving aid to those in need makes it easier for you to take help.

Avoiding help will only keep you from finding aid in your time of need.

Giving comfort means there is less time to take suffering.

Avoiding suffering only keeps you looking for comfort.

Giving compassion makes it feel good to take affection.

Avoiding affection will keep you from finding compassion.

Giving gifts keeps you from taking scraps of love.

Avoiding scraps of love will allow you to find your gifts.

Giving signals? Be prepared to take hints.

Avoiding hints keeps you looking for signals.

Giving strength makes it easier to take on weakness.

Avoiding weakness only keeps you looking for strength.

Giving what you need makes it more clear to know when to take what you want.

Avoiding what you want only keeps you from finding what you need.

Giving sarcasm makes it easier to take jokes.

Avoiding jokes only tells others you’re looking for sarcasm.

So here is my gift to you from me on my birthday. I hope this helps you deal with life.

Take Care,

Jess aka Sketchwriterjess

March 28, 2019

Read 1 Tender Tip from Love at Bar Height if you've fallen for someone and you want to let them go.

Read 28 Ways to Deal with Disappointment in Love if you're tired of being wrapped around the axle about things out of your control when it comes to dating.

P.S. Men and Women I want to hear from you. Do any of these lines resonate with you? If so comment below. I’ll respond to every single one.

1 Tender Tip from Love at Bar Height

"Love at Bar Height", Charcoal Drawing by Jess aka Sketchwriterjess.

I’ve started letting go of feelings I had for someone a couple days ago. I was talking with a friend and she said,

 “Sometimes we meet people so we can grow. And in order to grow, we must go through pain.”

Just two years ago I would have flown off the handle if someone told me that. I have felt strong connections with men before. Most I had little to slight real life interaction, racking up unrequited love like checks with no balances. Spending my time lusting and trusting that at some point there would be love between me and my crush.

I don’t allow myself to fall in love anymore, until recently when I fell head over heals over someone I only knew for a few months. Falling in love this time was different.

I talked to this person more often than most men I thought of in this way. He was gracious and kind, but that’s his job he’s a bartender. And I thought, “He’s being nice to me to get big tips.” And then I saw how he treated everyone else, both men and women with so much respect. That turned me on more then anything else. More then what he looked like or how his body handled the grind of working the bar.

One night, I turned to find him looking at me after I looked down from watching a television above the bar. As I looked at him, his dark eyes were turning black and the bottom whites showing, all glassy. We locked eyes for at least 3 seconds. And then he looked up to see if the channels were correct. Upon looking at him, I felt like I was walking into a fire that I would never be able to walk out from. It happens like this. It being lust I guess. He might have felt something like I did, or it could have been just a moment of rest for him. Maybe I imagined it. Sometimes I think maybe I read into it too much.

It doesn’t really matter does it? We’ve all come up against things similar. A glance here or a long glance there and sometimes I’m the one doing it first.

I keep thinking he started it. But maybe I gave him signals to start it. I’m still unsure.

I kept watching him work after that. His energy was electric, interacting loudly with other bartenders and bar-backs. Pushing himself to give everyone what they needed. Making sure people avoided holding hot plates. I felt safe around him, even more then when I first met him.

That night, he gave me a smile showing wisdom around his eyes as he asked me what drink he could make for me. After all I felt that night my vision of what I wanted in a companion is what came together in my head.

It may mean nothing to anyone but me. Yet it isn’t nothing for me. This is not a thing of obsession or drive. It’s more like self reflection.

I imagined spending time with him in the park, perhaps talking about the weather and talking about life stuff like family and work. I imagined more things would happen between us at some point. And I kept wondering what would happen if we actually decided to have some kind of relationship.

Sex is something that is sacred to some and casual to others. Some feel it’s play and some feel it’s obligation. The truth is I’m not sure where I am with this feeling, my drive for sex is waxing and waning as I think more about how long I have waited to have sex and how much waiting there might be left to do. I do know however that I am not into taking it lightly.

And it’s not because I’ve waited so long. It’s because I love my soul enough to know what I would like from my partner, whomever that may be.

I know those things. I felt the things I wanted from meeting this guy. It's tough to chalk things up to spiritual growth. In this case I know it is.

He told me something when last I saw him bartend and I felt happy for him and I just want him to be happy.

I want to be happy too. And I know sometimes the best way to take care of myself is to walk through the fire over the embers onto the safety cool ground.

So Ladies, I’d like to hear from you. Have you ever met someone and got the feelings you wanted for a future relationship? Let me know here in the comments. We can have a discussion about it on this post.

And be sure to read 28 Creative Ways to Deal with Disappointment in Love, to gain some tips on dealing with the frustration of being single.

28 Creative Ways to Deal with Disappointment in love

Here is a picture I painted in time for my birthday. A landscape I made up in my mind. I painted my heart out on the page with Gouache Paint on Watercolor Paper. "In the Moment"

As a woman nearing my 40th Birthday on March 28 I think about how far I’ve come and how much farther I need to go in life. I have Bipolar Disorder and am stable. I’ve been on Medication since 2006 and can count on 10 fingers the amount of days I haven’t taken them. So naturally I thought, Hey, maybe I should try dating again. Don’t want to be single for the next 40 years.

A little background here, I haven’t dated in 8 years. The longest I dated a man was 2 weeks. And I’ve kissed men, but have not hooked up once.

I’ve saved myself because I haven’t had many chances to date, at least that’s what I tell myself. Most men my age are married and have children, and have tried to pick me up despite that.

Men at bars and bookstores have picked me up over the years and all those opportunities to date have ended up being absurd and scary.

What are the odds that I would find the guys who don’t have everything they thought they’d get by 40?

So, now that I’ve said that, here are 28 creative ways to deal with disappointment in love.

1. Write your erotic thoughts in your journal.

2. Chat with friends about their love war stories and write something for them.

3. Write about the tears and the ecstasy of longing for someone who you just met.

4. Search the web “what a guy showing you puppy dog eyes means” and let yourself go where you boldly never went before in your erotic writing.

5. Search the web for more body language stuff, like narrowing of the eyes at you. Add that your writing too.

6. Keep in mind how hard it is for a man to keep his stuff inside, well because it’s all outside and write something about how sad that is, but not really an excuse for bad behavior.

7. Think of all the times you met someone and connected with them on a genuine level and then it didn’t pan out cause he was taken and you wouldn’t stand for dating him because of that.

8. Stop going to bars to pick up men. Go to bars to celebrate life on your terms.

9. Stop going to bookstores to meet a nice man. Just because men pick you up at the bookstore, doesn’t mean they don’t have a dirty mind. (The guy I dated for 2 weeks, at least he seemed single.)

10. Take time to work on a project that you’ve always wanted to work on but were afraid to do. It will build your courage.

11. Make a date with yourself to read a book that’s erotic.

12. Make a date with yourself to read a book that is a love story.

13. Read some poetry any chance you get.

14. Take out your ruled journal and write about this stuff cause it will never end as long as you are feeling sexual urges.

15. Paint a picture of a landscape. The act of painting nature is a good release for pent up sexual desires.

16. Stand in the sunlight and know you have worked on yourself to be in an honest relationship.

17. Walk in the rain and know even though there are sad tears there are good tears too.

18. Make time to make love to yourself.

19. Meditate on what you can give to the man out there just for you.

20. Think about saving up money for something that allows you to experience love safely, like a going to the theater and seeing a play.

21. Listen to your favorite female music artist. Chances are they got you covered.

22. Don’t listen to men singing, it will make you cry like a baby whose hungry.

23. Go for a drive along a road that you like to drive on and get some fresh air and perhaps some fresh writing ideas.

24. Go for a walk and listen to the birds. It’s ok to cry and it’s ok to laugh.

25. Type a list of creative ideas to solve something. Pick a number of significance to you to write everything down.

26. Go celebrate with family for your birthday.

27. When you are alone, know you are not alone in disappointment in love.

28. Even though you struck out this time, think about all the chances you have that could be better for you in the moment.

So Ladies, I want to hear from you. I know some of you have been through this with men trying to pick you up when they are married. Do any of the coping methods I've put in my list help you think about ways you can move through and move on from these times? Are there any you know of that I could add to the list?

If you want to see how I've resolved this problem read 1 Tender Tip from Love at Bar Height.

Let me know in the comments and share if you find this helpful to you or someone you know.

Thanks for reading.

Paper Beads, As You Wish (Jewelry Crafts Tutorial)

Just the paper bead tutorial for people who want to have a bead assortment on hand to use for jewelry crafts. A combination of cardstock and magazine paper from theater programs make unforgettable moments live everyday.

If you would like to see what project I am using paper beads for, learn more in this post:

Have You Ever Locked Your Keys In The Car? Here's What To Make So It Never Happens Again.

If you read the article related to this project and this sounds like something fun to learn, let's get started!

List of materials: (Yes it's a long list,  but its worth using all of these materials for this process of making these strong beautiful beads.) 

Cardstock 8.5” x 11” (Michaels)

Magazine Paper (Theater Program, Playbill)

Paper Trimmer with Sliding Blade (Fiskars)

Non-stick Safety Scissors (Fiskars)

Cocktail Straws (Any brand)

Pink Soap Brush Cleaner (Speedball)

Freezer Paper (Reynolds, optional to lay down and keep space clean)

Small Cups with Lids (Diamond Daily)

Small Water Bottles (Michaels)

Small Paint Bowls (Michaels)

#4 Flat Brush (Plaid)

#1 Round Brush (Plaid)

Matte Medium (Liquitex)

White Glue (Elmer’s)

Non-Toxic Watercolors (DaVinci)

Large Awl (Dritz)

Small Awl (Tulip)

Triple Thick Gloss Glaze (Deco Art Americana)

Silicone Baking Tray (Michaels)

Hard Foam Block (Michaels)

Wood Toothpicks (Any Brand)

Gather paper to make Paper Beads:

3 colors of Cardstock (8.5” x 11”, Use as 11” x 8.5”)

Magazine Paper (For the Theater program remove center staples and use whole pages. These are 8.5” x 11” as well, Use as is at 11” x 8.5”)

Measurements of cut paper strips:

Large Bicone Bead: 1/2” Wide by 8.5” Point. (Cut one cardstock paper strip and one magazine paper strip)

Round Bead: 3/8” Wide by 8.5” Point. (Cut one cardstock paper strip)

Rondelle Bead: 1/4” Wide by 8.5” Point (Cut one cardstock paper strip and one magazine paper strip)

Cut paper strips into triangles  with sliding blade paper trimmer:

1. To cut first paper strip. Start step two by moving paper over about an 1/8” of an inch beyond where mark for bead width is and trim on angle. Keep this piece of cut paper for scrap to make unique beads. Then move on to step 3.

2. Hold paper horizontal. Place top corner at marking of bead width, then push bottom corner toward trimming area and make sure it lies to right of trimming line. Trim on angle to cut triangle paper strip.

3. Hold paper horizontal and move it down to bottom of trimmer. Place bottom corner of paper near mark of bead width. Place top corner toward trimmer area and keep it on right of trimmer line. Trim on angle to cut triangle paper strip.

Repeat Steps 2 and 3. Alternate top cut paper with bottom cut paper for each triangle paper strip until you reach end of cardstock paper or magazine paper sheet. Keep end cut paper strip for scrap to make unique beads.

Set up bead drying area:

1. Use hard foam block and wood toothpicks to set up drying area. Stick the toothpicks into foam block so they are staggered across it. Set an odd row of toothpicks, then an even row of toothpicks all the way to end of block. This gives each bead enough space to dry.

2. Pour some pink soap into a small paint bowl. For each bead use a half straw to keep the bead on as its formed. Cut each straw in half and coat it with Pink Soap. Dip your fingers into soap and slide your finger up and down cut straw to coat it evenly. Set aside cut straw to dry for 10 minutes.

Form paper strips into beads:

1. In a small cup with lid, mix 1:1 ratio of water and white glue.

2. Take a cut paper strip with the wide part towards you. With flat brush, paint a 1/2” from the bottom up with water and white glue mix.

Round beads use one paper strip. For round beads Skip step three and go to step 4. For bicone beads and rondelle beads go to Step 3.

3. Then take a magazine paper strip, and from an 1/8” inch from the bottom of the first cut paper strip place up top over the bottom strip and paint a 1/2” of glue from where it starts up.

4. Take a straw and from the center roll the strip from widest part up to tip. Brush water and white glue mixture onto each paper strip as its rolled to create the bead. Then brush water and white glue mixture around bead and near hole of the bead.

5. Take straw and place onto toothpick.

Once finished, put lid on the cup to save glue mix to make more beads.

Continue steps 2 through 5 to make more beads.

Paint beads with Watercolor and/ or Acrylic Medium

1. In a small cup with lid, mix 1:2 ratio of water and matte medium.

2. Brush one rondelle bead with this mixture using a flat brush.

3. Place straw back on toothpick.

4. In a small cup with lid, mix a 2:1 ratio of water and water color. Then combine that mix with matte medium at a ratio of 1:1.

5. Brush one bicone bead and one round bead with this mixture using a flat brush.

6. Place straw on toothpick.

Varnish beads:

1. In a small cup with lid, pour about a teaspoon of Triple Thick.

2. Brush outside of bead with one coat of Triple Thick. Set aside to dry for 3 hours. Then paint one more coat of Triple Thick onto bead.

3. After painting, place straw back on toothpick. Let bead dry for 24 hours.

4. Once beads are dry, take straws off toothpicks. Cut each straw on both sides of bead to about an 1/8” inch.

5. Take small awl and stick it between straw and bead. Move the awl around the hole of the bead until straw breaks free from hole. Use large awl to push straw through, if it doesn’t come out.

6. With round brush paint hole of bead with Triple Thick. Lay each bead on its side in silicone baking tray and allow to air dry. 

Making paper beads is a labor of love. They take time, yet they are worth it. If you like this tutorial, please share with your friends on social media.

If you’ve got any questions about this tutorial, feel free to ask me in the comments and I will get back to you soon.

Take Care


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Free Web Apps for Productivity

Here is a place for Apps designed by me just for you to boost your productivity in a fun way. Have at it!

Time and Write Generator

Words Sprints Minutes
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150 4 30

Press down on the button of your mouse and roll over the grid to get your random numbers. You can also use the highlight function on your tablet to get the same result.

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Jessica B. Hensley

Jessica B. Hensley
I've got Bipolar Disorder Type 1 and Psychic Abilities:

Hello everyone,

This blog is a place to read about one person's experience with Bipolar Life and it's obstacles. It is also a place to get information about surviving and thriving with a mental illness.

Not only do I make art and craft, I write and do Tarot Readings for the General Audience.
I discovered I have psychic abilities once I stopped drinking alcohol. Champagne? Not just yet ; ).

My hope is that you get inspired to put yourself out there into the world. It's scary to do so. It always is, but it's the only way to make progress towards having any quality of life.

Take Care and Blessings.